Monday 11 May 2015

Mujhe lagta hai ik pal bhi tumhare bin saza jese : Ghazal Shayari

Mujhe lagta hai ik pal bhi tumhare bin saza jese,
Tum aatey ho to ho jata hai dil ko aasraa jese,

Tumhari zindagi mein ab hamari hesiyat kya hai,
Puraney taaq mein rakha hua koi diyaa jese,

Samaat deti rehti hai mujhe tanhai mein dhoka,
Mujhe aksar laga ke tum ne kuch mujhse kaha jese,

Yaqeen mujh ko nahin is ka magar aksar yeh lagta hai,
Ke peecha kar rahi ho mera koi bad’duaa jese,

Go tum hum mein nahin baaqi par lagta hai Maan mujhko,
Har ik naymat tumhari hi dua ki ataa ho jese,

Shab-e-tanhai mein yadain teri yun jagmagati hain,
Hatheli per meri rakha ho ik roshan diya jese,

Hum aese zindagi ki raah mein bhatkaa kiye Azra,
Paraaye sheher mein koi musaafir be’nawaa jese..

wo kehti hai suno janan !!!
Muhabbat Mom ka ghar hai,
Tapish ye bad gumani ki,
Kahiin Pighla na de isko,

Me kehta hun k jis dil me,
Zara bhi bad gumani ho,
Wahan kuch aur ho to ho,
Muhabbat ho nahi sakti,

Wo Kehti hai sada aisay hi,
Kiya tum mujh ko chaho gay?
K me is main Kami bilkul,
Gawara kar nahi sakti,

Me kehta hun,
Muhabbat Kiya hai ,
Ye tum ne sikhaya hai,
Mujhay tum se muhabbat k,
Siwa kuch bhi nahi aata,

Wo kehti hai Judai se,
Bohat darta hai mera dil,
K khud ko tum se hat ker dekhna,
Mumkin nahi hai ab,

Me Kehta hun yahi khadshay,
Bohat Mujhko satatay hain,
Magar sach hai mohabbat me,
Judayi sath chalti hai,

Wo kehti hai batao kiya,
Mere Bin jee sako gay tum?
Meri Batain meri yadain,
Meri aankhen bhula do gay?

Me Kehta hun,
Kabhi is baat per socha nahi mene,
Agar ik pal ko bhi sochun,
To sansain ruknay lagti hain,

Wo kehti hai tumhain muhj se,
Muhabbat is qadar kyun hai?
K me ik aam see larki,
Tumhain kyun khaas lagti hun,

Me kehta hun,
Kabhi Khud ko,
Meri aankhon se tum dekho,
Meri dewaangi kyun hai,
ye khud hi jaan jao gi,

Wo Kehti hai,
Mujhay waraftagi se dekhtay kyun ho?
K me khud ko,
Bohat hi keemti mehsoos karti hun,

Me kehta hun,
Mata-e-jaan Bohat anmol hoti hai,
Tumhain jab dekhta hun,
Zindagi mehsoos kerta hun,

Wo Kehti hai,
Mujhay Alfaaz k jugnoo nahi miltay,
Tumhain batla sakun dil me,
Mere kitni muhabbat hai,

Me Kehta hun Muhabbat to,
Nigahon se chalakti hai,
Tumhari khaamshi Mujh se,
Tumhari baat karti hai,

Wo kehti hai batao na,
Kisay khonay se dartay ho?
Batao Kon hai wo?
Jis ko ye mosam bulatay hain,

Me kehta hun,
Ye meri Shayiri hai,
Aayina dil ka,
Zara dekho batao kiya,
Tumhain is me nazar aaya?

Wo kehti hai k Atif jee !!
Bohat batain banatay ho,
Magar Sach hai k ye batain,
Bohat hi shaad rakhti hain,

Me kehta hun,
ye sab batain Fasanay,
Ik bahana hain,
k pal kuch zindgani k,
Tumharay saath kat jayen,

Phir is k baad khaamshi ka,
Dilkash Raqs hota hai,
Nigahain bolti hain,
Aur Lab khamosh rehtay hain…

Wo Kehti hai Suno Janan

Public Sex Education Probably failed to teach you

Condoms are only 98% effective when used correctly.

Sugar can cause infections in the vagina. This means things like chocolate sauce, honey, and lubricants with glycerin can be harmful.

Having sex with an intoxicated person is legally rape in most US states, even if the person verbally consents. In the eyes of the law, drugs and alcohol impair your ability to consent to sex.

Unprotected anal sex is the most dangerous sex act when it comes to spreading STIs.

Not everyone can climax from oral sex or even likes oral sex. Don’t assume—ask your partner what they want!

Condoms expire! Check the date on the wrapper. Also, storing them in wallets is not a good idea (see #8)

If someone with a vagina has unprotected anal sex, semen can drip down into the vagina and pose a (slight, but still real) risk for pregnancy.

Do not keep condoms in your wallet. The friction and heat exposure of keeping them there can make them ineffective. Keep them somewhere cool, dry, and out of sunlight.

You should be tested for STIs with each new partner you have. Annual appointments are not enough protection if you have multiple partners in that time.

Having anal sex does not lead to a gaping asshole unless your partner is literally an elephant.

Sex with elephants is illegal. Don’t do that.

Masturbating while wearing a condom can help people with penises get used to wearing them before sex.

Penis size does not define your worth. It is not the be-all, end-all factor for most people.

In fact, lots of people with large penises have trouble having sex without hurting their partner since the average vagina size is 6”-8” when aroused (it’s only 3”-4” when not aroused!).

Your first time will almost definitely not be your best time. That’s okay, I promise.

Herpes and pubic lice can still infect you if a condom is used if testicles come in contact with a vuvla.

Only one out of three people can orgasm from receiving vaginal penetration alone. You’re not broken.

People with penises can orgasm without ejaculating.

The muscles in a vagina can be abnormally tense and cause intense pain when penetrated with a toy, penis, or tampon. This is called vaginismus and treatment for this includes relaxation therapy and using medical rods to help the muscles relax.

The number of sexual partners you have does not define you. This rule applies to all genders.

A diet of lots of dairy and meat can cause ejaculate to taste bad. Fruits that are very sweet (like pineapple) help combat this for some people. However, due to body chemistry, medications, and other factors, it might not always do the trick.

Dental dams make oral sex with someone with a vulva safer. They are thin sheets of latex and can be home-made by cutting the ends off a condom and slitting it lengthwise to make a alternative option if you don’t have access to dental dams.

The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings in it. That’s twice that of a penis! So, go gently until encouraged to do otherwise.

Sex does not have to stop when someone ejaculates. Remove any condoms or clean up any mess, and keep going until everyone is satisfied!

Communication is the number one factor to a better, healthier sex life.

The hymen is not a bone, and does not break. It is a membrane layer that stretches. It can tear, which can lead to pain and bleeding. However, sex for the first time (or ever!) should never hurt. Go slower and focus on foreplay to increase natural lubrication.

Sexuality is fluid for a lot of people. Don’t worry about labels until you’re sure in your sexual and romantic interests. Explore freely and worry about terms later.

Orgasms release hormones that are natural pain-killers. This is why some menstruating people masturbate when they have cramps, because the body naturally reduces pain after an orgasm.

The hormones released also account for why some people cry or get very emotional after an intense orgasm. It’s totally normal.

There are limitless kinks in the world and so long as they are safe and consensual, there is nothing wrong with them.

Medications and mental health disorders can mess with your sex drive. Talk to your doctor if your sex drive has suddenly increased or decreased after starting a medication—there may be alternatives.

There is nothing “un-manly” or “gay” about enjoying anal pay. Most men who try anal enjoy a little sensation in that area. People with penises also have a p-spot (prostate) and can have intense orgasms through anal penetration.

Always use lubrication generously to avoid vaginal or anal tearing.

Urinating after sex can reduce the risk of a UTI in people with vaginas.

Enjoying casual sex does not make you a bad person if you are up-front with your intentions and don’t maliciously seek to hurt others.

Condoms come in multiple sizes! It should never be loose or painfully tight.

Being sex-positive does not mean that everyone needs to enjoy sex. It simply promotes the happiness and sexual exploration (or non-exploration) of others.

Porn is not an educational guide to sex.

Certain positions feel better than others. Switch it up and find out what works for you and your partner(s).

Condoms are more likely to break if you don’t leave a reservoir tip for ejaculate.

Labia are often asymmetrical. Your long/uneven/poofy/dark labia are beautiful and there is nothing wrong with your body.

Up to 80% of people with a vagina can squirt with either g-spot or clitoral stimulation.

Drug store pregnancy tests are just as effective as brand name ones. In some cases, they’re even MORE effective.

Elevating your butt with pillows can make missionary sex easier for those of us with a big tummy or thick thighs.

Plan B does not work on people over a certain weight (160-175lbs).

There are safe alternatives to condoms or oral contraceptives. Talk to your doctor about your options.

Sex toys can open up a whole new world to folks willing to explore.

Orgasms can be highly psychological. Most people can’t climax when they’re upset or distracted.

Birth control can cause people to miss periods or spot in between periods.

Sex doesn’t have to be gentle if you don’t want it to be. There are healthy ways to explore rough sex or BDSM.

xx SF

So, just because I’m sick of this trend of hating on the public education system

I learned 40 out of 50 of these in various sex education and health classes, from 7th to 12th grades. The last I saw, #21 was still in question. #45 wasn’t something that could be covered in my sex-ed classes, since Plan B was approved in the US in 1999 and I graduated in 1996.

So either sex ed has diminished significantly over the years or people need to start paying attention to what it actually covers.
First off, I just want to point out how lucky you are if you actually learned forty of these things in sex education. Gold star to you for knowing things. However, I’m curious if you’re including a college education in that calculation because what I’m talking about is free public education (K-12) that covers sex ed, and not a college-level education since that isn’t available to everyone.
Secondly, I just wanted to let you know that your view-point is horribly, horribly skewed.
These are states that don’t even require sex education.

And these are states that require abstinence-only education.

So, what you’re experiencing is not the norm, for any generation. I graduated high school in 2009 with an interest in sex education. By that time, my high school hadn’t even mentioned the word “clitoris” to its students. I learned about condom use through the advisor of the GSA, since the school’s policy banned doing a condom demonstration in class.
But you know what, it wasn’t all bad for me. We did cover STDs and pregnancy and things of that nature. To contrast, did you know that most states don’t even require its sexual education to be true? Medical accuracy isn’t required in these states:

To sum up, here’s the situation. Either a) you were abnormally blessed with a liberal up-bringing and education system that taught you real things about sexuality, b) you’re jaded and are remembering incorrectly or including college sex ed in with your analysis, or c) you’re lying to protect a shitty educational system for reasons I do not understand.
they really said sex with an elephant was illegal

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Funny and Funky Whatsapp Message


Ek aurat Dr Se: “Mera Pati 300% Napusank Hai”
Doctor Hairan Hoke: “Arrey, Wo Kaise?”
Aurat Rote Hue Boli: “Ek To Uska Khada Nahi Hota. Dusara Uski Ungli Bhi Tuti Hai. Teesra KalUs MadarchodNe Garam Garam Chai Pee Ke Apni Jibh Bhi Jala Li.“


Ek Moti Lady Ek Bar Bazar Mein Bra Lene Gayi, Aur Dukan Par Jake Bra Dekhne Lagi.
Dekhte Dekhte Achanak Boli: “Bhaiya, Wo Wali Bra Mere Size Ki Lagti Hai, Dikhana Zara”
Dukandar: “Maff Karna Bahanji, Wo Bra Nahi, Mere Scooter Ki Steppney Ka Cover Hai“


Pappu: “Mom, Aap Blouse Mein PaiseKyun Rakhti Ho?”
Mom: “Taaki Tere Papa Ko Pata Na Chale”
Pappu: “Mom Aap Bhi Na, Bechare Papa Roz Kaamwali Ke Blouse Mein Dhoondte Rahte Hai“


Ek Dukhi Lady Baba Ke Pas Gayi Aur Boli
Lady: “Baba Mera Pati Kab Sudhrenga?”
Baba: “Pati Ko Layi Ho?”
Lady: “Nahi.”
Baba: “Koi Baat Nahi, Apna Blouse Kholiye”
Lady: “Kyun?”
Baba: “Bachha, Pati Ki Hath Ki Rekhayein Dekhni Hai Na“


Apni Suhagrat Ko Pati Achhe Tarike Se Sex Kar Nahi Paya
Subha Dulhe Ki Maa Ne Bahurani Se Puchha
Saas: “Bahu, Suhagrat Kaisi Rahi?“
Bahu Udasi Se: “Maa Ji Kya Batau, Grah Parvesh To 2 Baar Hua, Par Grah Shanti Nahi Ho Paayi“


Girl Hostel Me Ek Phone Aaya – “Meena Hai Kya?”
Warden Ne Pucha – “Piche Kya Lagati Hai Wo?”
Phone Wala – “Ab Tho Pata Nahi Ji Par Pehle Sarson Ka Tel Lagati Thi“


Aeroplane me ek scientist aur ek bachha sath baithe the
Sct:- Kuchh baat kare , time paas ho jayega
Boy:-Kis topic par
Sct:-Nuclear power par
Boy: Theek
he,magar pehle mere ek sawal ka jawab do ki jab Bakra, Bhaisa aur Gadha, teeno ghaas khate h,
phir Bakre ka Lund itna chhota q?
Bhaise ka itna mota q? aur
Gadhe ka itna lamba q hota h?
Sct:-what nonsense, mujhe nhi pta
Boy: bhosdiwale Pata tujhe Lund ka nhi or Baatein nuclear power ki chodni hai


Popat ka Pinjra
20 Rupaye me".
Popat ka Pinjra. 20 Rupaye me ...ek aadmi road side chilla raha tha
1Aurat ne pas ja kar dekha,
aur
wapas aayi.

Dusri: Kya huwa?

Patni: Haramkhor Kameena!

"UNDER WEAR"
bech raha hai.


Response after sex

1) call girl; paise

2) girl frends; jaldi kapde do

3) padosan; fir kab aoge

4) wife; ab 2 din kuch mat bolna

5) kamwali; ab to pagar bada do..


Suhag raat ko dulha bola: Priye bolo, aaj tujhe chand pe le jaun ya taaron me?
Dulhan: Pehle apna Rocket dikhao, phir decide karungi.


Kuware sochte hai k shadishuda ache h
Shadishuda sochte hai k kuware ache h
Fark sirf itna hai ki Shadishuda din m sochte hai or kuware raat ko...


Boyfriend1:- can i touch your boobs
Girlfriend1 :- Shut up!!!!
Boyfriend2 :- can i touch ur heartbeats
Girlfriend2 :- ooooh!! how sweet!!

Rishta wahi soch nai


Teacher: Machchhar k Katne Se Maleria hota hai Aids kyu Nahi ?

Student: Qki Machchhar Dunk Marta hai Gaand nahi. Aage se Bakchodi Wale Sawal mat Puchhna.


LIC launches a new sexy Policy Jeevan Sambhog In partnership with MANFORCE condoms and UNWANTED-72
The new punch line:- Thokne ke Saath Bhi, Thokne ke Baad Bhi.


Shop pe Ladki ne 36 ki Bra li or trial room me kameez uttar ke dukandar ko andr bulaya.

Dukandar ne Boobs dekh ke chusna shuru kar diye jin pe behoshi ki dawa lagi hui thi, Wo behosh ho gaya.

Ladki ne shop ka tamam Cash liya & jate hue shishe pe likh gai:

Khula Dudh Sehat ke lie Hanikarak Hai !!


Girl: condoms Dena..
Shopkeeper(masti main): kis liye -e-e-e
Girl(Gusse se): Tere baap ko gift karungi, taki tere jaisa dusra CHUTIYA paida na kare....

 
Fauji's wife daily sends her nude photo with both legs wide open ...

"Janu, I'll wait like this till you come!"

Fauji: Wo to theek hai, par photo kaun kheench raha hai??


Girl Friend: I demand gud manners in bed, just like at the dinner table ...

Sardar climbs into bed slowly & says: Honey, would you pass the boobs please??


Husband is praying before going to bed ...

Wife: What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance.

Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!


The best excuse given by a lady for missing office on Monday ...

My husband took an overdose of Viagra ... couldn't leave him alone with the Maid!!


A boy comes to his class with broken spectacles ...

Teacher: What happened?

Boy: I was kissing my Girlfriend.

Teacher: But how did your spectacles break?

Boy: She closed her legs!!


What's the difference between a man & a woman ...

A man always has the same DICK between his legs all his life ...

A woman MAY NOT!!


Wife: Nashta kar lo.

Husband: Sex hi mera nashta hai & he starts sex.

Dopahar ko wife: Lunch kar lo.

Husband sex hi mera lunch hai & starts sex.

Raat ko jab husband aata hai to wife panty utaar kar
heater ke aage baithi hoti hai.

Husband: What is this?

Wife: Hawas ke poojari, khana garam kar rahin hoon!!


After operation, a girl to Dr: How soon can I resume my sex life?

Dr: You are the first patient to ask this question after tonsil operation!!


Sexy Lady goes to male gynae and says: Dr, a fly has entered my vagina.

Dr: There is only one solution. I can apply some honey on my penis and insert in your vagina. The fly will stick to penis and thus we can take it out.

Lady: Go ahead.

Dr starts.

After five minutes, sexy lady asks: Kya hua Dr, fly kab bahaar niklega?

Dr: Plan changed. I am going to drown him..


Boy- U R wearing Red Bra ?
Girl - How do u know?
Boy-Thanx 2 RAJNIKANT Eyecare!
Girl-U r not wearing underwear
Boy - Hey U too RAJNIKANT eyecare!
Girl - Chain laav aai Zavadya.
Tuza RAJNIKANT baher alaay.


Arz Kiya H

Jise Aane me Lgte H 15 Saal,

Gaur Farmaiyega.

Wah Wah, !!!
"Sun to Le Bhosdi ke"

Jise Aane me Lgte H 15 Saal,

Use Kehte H Jhaat K Baal...


Suhaag Raat Me Wife :
Muje Gabhrahat ho rahi Hai..

Husband : Tumhari PehLi Raat hai na IsLiye ?

Wife : Nahi Ji Raat me Pehli Baar hai IsLiye.


Pati: Sex ho jaye?
Wife:Nahi
Pati: Zewar la dunga
W:Nahi
Pati: Car launga
W:Nahi
Beta so raha tha..beech me bola: Papa meri gand mar lo par CYCLE la do...


Ladki to Dr: Bachcha 2 din se doodh nhi pi raha
Dr ne Bra me hath daala aur kafi der taK bobbs ko masal ke bola
Doodh hi nai hai
Ladki:"Main to iski Mausi hoon"

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Wife: Please zara ye bra ka hook laga dijiye.
Hus: I will charge 4 kisses.
Wife: Rahne do, padosi Se free me lagva leti hu, wo haath daal kar Set bhi kar denge.


CONDOM salesman:
Condom chahiye kya???

Marwadi: kam bhav ka khushbudar rahega to de.

Salesman:
Laude pe agarbatthi ka plastic lagake chod Bhosdike...


MAUN-VRAT ke dinl
Wife ne Boobs hilake dikhaya
Husbd ne apna bahar nikal k dikhaya
Wife guse me-Mera matlb hai dudwala kab ayega
Hsbd: mera mtlab hai 1 Ghante me


Girl: What do u prefer? Breasts or Legs??
Kuljit: Choot..!
.
Girl slaps & says: "Randi Khana nahi hai Bhosdi ke, KFC ka counter hai ye"..


Jeevan ki 3 Hakiikat.

School ki Ghanti.
Garib ka Darwaja.
Jawan Ladki.

INKO JAB BHI THOKOGE

BACCHE HI BAHAR NIKLENGE !


The Most emotional line said by a girl to a boy after break-up-

"Jaanu, hilaate waqt to yaad karoge na ?


Ladki mandir me prasad lekar pandit k pair chhukar boli
koi gyan ki baat btao.

Pandit= Beti"Bra pehna karo"jhukti ho to
dhyan aur gyan
dono ki Maa chud jati he !!


Call Girl (to 68 years old man): "Uncle,
aap ek baar try karo na!"

Uncle: "Main KAR nahi paaunga."

Call Girl: "Arre, aao na uncle, try to karo!"

Uncle aa gaye aur callgirl pe toot pade aur uski almost faad dali.

Call Girl: Haaye mar gayi. Aap to bol rahe the-
"kar nahi paaunga"

Uncle: "Wo to main PAYMENT ke baare me bol raha tha.


Salim: Anarkali,CAN I HAVE SEX WITH U?
Anarkali: Aapne bahut badi cheez maang li jahanpanah.
Salim: Agar woh cheez bahut badi ho chuki ho, toh phir rehne do..